This morning my sister was “try to make conversation” by asking me why on earth I even want to have a wedding when we have thousands in debt because of [hub's] school loans.
I said it was my decision to go thru that rite of passage and nothing she will say will change my mind. However, she didn’t let up by insisting that being debt-free (and unmarried via the church way) like her, is better which made me lose my temper. Again.
i do realize that:
1) i have read a bit more in what she was saying, altho im pretty sure it was what she implied; by saying so, she belittles my belief & decision to do the church wedding.
2) had i shut up instead and tuned her out, it wouldn’t have made me lose my temper even more, because i screamed at her for 15mins straight at the top of my lungs. ive done this to one person (her) a total of 4 times. i feel like shit everytime, but im at that point that i really see red and i cant stop. good thing i dont hit her at all. I feel like screaming like crazy is just a little better than hitting her, although I don’t really think it works. To rephrase that: it does not.
3) not all her life-decisions are clear cut and perfect so why should i even bother listening to her, esp to her crappy unsolicited advice?
However, there had been 3 or 4 occasions in the last 60 days wherein i had jumped the gun and attacked people at the jugular with what they had said, or even implied.
My sister brings it out of me the most. Especially since our last three arguments in which i yelled out at her to shut up was basically me losing my temper after i kept begging her that i dont want to talk/argue about it anymore, for 15 mins. and she wont let up.
A few days before Christmas, my aunt also gave me an earful about making plans for my cousins car (i had found parking for it in our complex, instead of driving it all the way to my aunts 40mins away– because my sister was taking over the car when she came back from her trip after xmas). Not only did i feel like she was treating me like a child who could not make sound decisions, it even came to a point where she was throwing indirect criticism towards the hubs that I lost my temper. I did not yell at her, but I did cry afterwards.
Another time was when I wrote a badly phrased facebook status. It was directed towards the hubs, who didnt even really read it, probably. Point was, it was to say internet is crappy, and not from his perspective of crappy, which is AT&T/TimeWarner crappy, which is pretty darn good by PI standards.
However, two persons reacted badly and pretty much said something like (this is my weakness , i can never repeat verbatim, which means, when i paraphrase, some of the meaning is lost or colored up badly):
- Hey hey we’re all in the PI. Does that mean we’re all fucked by default?
- Even with spotty internet, if i were in the PI, I wouldnt complain.
AS IF!
1. I wrote that only as a “you should feel good about your internet bec someone out there (me) has the worst connection evar”
2. It was NOT a hater commentary on the PI and its people, services etc
3. and i sooooo hate people who go, “well, idk about you, but im doing this and im cool (and youre shallow, whiney and lame).” etc etc maybe ive been spoiled for lotsa sympathy for my whiney posts, but some people, such as the poster of the latter , can be plain douches. It was my first time to post a tagalog swear word (and making it public makes ME look bad, altho i deleted it right after i posted it, but only after i was sure he read it.
And to further justify my kupal hirit… he had been commenting weird shit the past few weeks on my statuses as well. This certainly shut him up.
